Time to buy the farm!

Were this to happen, I think I would buy some land in Tucson with a large electric fence. And guns... we'll need lots of guns. (and of course hydroponic gardening.)

Palin sells!

I think that the central thing about Palin is that she plays to the quarter to third of the population that a) doesn't like a black man in office, b) is out of a job or is in some other way massively disaffected by the economic climate, c) doesn't understand how/why we got here and d) sees the only way to get back "home" is by espousing simple things (in a complex world.)

However, these are the same people who would raise the borders until they found out they couldn't get flip flops for $3 at walmart, but had to pay $20.

Random Thoughts (thanks Kellie!)

Random Thoughts for the Day:

I think part of a best friend's job should be to immediately clear your computer history if you die.

Nothing sucks more than that moment during an argument when you realize you're wrong..

I totally take back all those times I didn't want to nap when I was younger.

There is great need for a sarcasm font..

How the heck are you supposed to fold a fitted sheet?

Was learning cursive really necessary?

Map Quest really needs to start their directions on #5. Pretty sure I know how to get out of my neighborhood.

Obituaries would be a lot more interesting if they told you how the person died.

I can't remember the last time I wasn't at least kind of tired.

Bad decisions make good stories.

You never know when it will strike, but there comes a moment at work when you know that you just aren't going to do anything productive for the rest of the day.

Can we all just agree to ignore whatever comes after Blue Ray? I don't want to have to restart my collection...again.

I'm always slightly terrified when I exit out of Word and it asks me if I want to save any changes to my ten page research paper that I swear I did not make any changes to.

"Do not machine wash or tumble dry" means I will never wash this -- ever.

I hate when I just miss a call by the last ring (Hello? Hello? Dang it!), but when I immediately call back, it rings nine times and goes to voicemail. What'd you do after I didn't answer? Drop the phone and run away?

I hate leaving my house confident and looking good and then not seeing anyone of importance the entire day. What a waste.

I keep some people's phone numbers in my phone just so I know not to answer when they call.

My 4-year old son asked me in the car the other day "Dad what would happen if you ran over a ninja?" How the heck do I respond to that?

I think the freezer deserves a light as well.

I disagree with Kay Jewelers. I would bet on any given Friday or Saturday night more kisses begin with Miller Lites than Kay.

Gay Marriage - Olbermann style.

This is wonderful.

Hilarious! (Blanket!)

Who knew?

I always wondered what all the meowing was about...

Words to live by.

Q: Doctor, I've heard that cardiovascular exercise can prolong life. Is this true?
A: Heart only good for so many beats, and that it... Don't waste on exercise. Everything wear out eventually. Speed up heart not make live longer; that like say you can extend life of car by driving faster. Want live longer? Take nap.
Q: Should I cut down on meat and eat more fruits and vegetables?
A: You must grasp logistical efficiencies. What does cow eat? Hay and corn. What are these? Vegetables. So, steak nothing more than efficient mechanism of delivering vegetables to system. Need grain? Eat chicken. Beef also good source of field grass (green leafy vegetable). And pork chop can give 100%recommended daily allowance of vegetable products.
Q: Should I reduce my alcohol intake?
A: No, not at all. Wine made from fruit. Brandy is distilled wine. That means they take water out of fruity bit; get even more of goodness that way. Beer also made out of grain. Bottoms up!
Q: How can I calculate my body/fat ratio?
A: If you have body and you have fat, ratio is one to one. If you have two bodies, ratio is two to one, etc.
Q: What are some of the advantages of participating in a regular exercise program?
A: Cannot think of single one, sorry. My philosophy: No Pain...Good!
Q: Aren't fried foods bad for you?
A: YOU NOT LISTENING!!! .... Foods fried in vegetable oil. How getting more vegetables be bad for you?
Q: Will sit-ups help prevent me from getting a little soft around the middle?
A: Definitely not! When you exercise muscle, it get bigger. You should only do sit-ups if want bigger stomach.
Q: Is chocolate bad for me?
A: You crazy? HELLO ... Cocoa beans! Vegetable!!! Cocoa beans best feel-good food around!
Q: Is swimming good for your figure?
A: If swimming good for figure, explain whales to me.
Q: Is getting in-shape important for my lifestyle?
A: Hey! 'Round' is shape!
Well, I hope this has cleared up any misconceptions you may have had about food and diets.
AND.....
For those of you who watch what you eat, here's the final word on nutrition and health. It's a relief to know the truth after all those conflicting nutritional studies:
1. The Japanese eat very little fat
And suffer fewer heart attacks than Americans.
2. The Mexicans eat a lot of fat
And suffer fewer heart attacks than Americans.
3. The Chinese drink very little red wine
And suffer fewer heart attacks than Americans.
4 The Italians drink a lot of red wine
And suffer fewer heart attacks than Americans.
5. The Germans drink a lot of beers and eat lots of sausages and fats
And suffer fewer heart attacks than Americans.
CONCLUSION.....
Eat and drink what you like. Speaking English is apparently what kills you.

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